GAH! How I hate my body. I feel like my mind isn't controlling my body, it's the other way around. I HAVE been eating really really really well. I haven't exercised as much as I should.... I do still count calories in my head despite my trying to not really count. Last night we shared a tray of sushi. 300 calories, divided by two. 150 calories. This morning I hopped on the scale waiting for my little gratification... blink blink.... gained 5 lbs!? I almost threw the scale out the window. Of course DH stayed the same, even though HE was the one who caved in and bought a big bag of salt & vinegar crispers and was going to eat 15 as per serving size instructions and nearly ate the whole bag instead. *throw tamper tantrum* Do you know what's worst than gaining 5lbs overnight ? Deciding to go in the guest room closet to take out some fall clothes since it's THREE miserable degrees outside (depressing), and realizing that while everything was kind of loose when I put the clothes away earlier this spring, the clothes are now *almost* too snug. As in borderline uncomfortable. (shoot me now.)
Before I begin my next vent paragraph, I'll insert a little positivity for a wholesome positivity sandwich : I'm absolutely ecstatic for Tina. Really really happy. Cry tears of joy in the bathroom at work happy. They so deserve this!
I'll keep the next vent short... I haven't blogged in a few days and I don't want my first come-back blog entry to be a complete miserable one. But tomorrow morning very early I have to go to Fredericton. Sigh. For THAT committee.. You know the one I'm talking about. The one I'd rather staple my eyes shut than attend a meeting. The director is in the office today (so I have to behave :P) and he offered me a ride to f'ton tomorrow morning....but then I have to take the bus to come back.. Ah well i'll bring my book. I haven't taken the bus in YEARS! Since college lol. But it's cheaper than renting a car + gas... Plus I hate driving. The only thing is I hope we leave early enough. I hate arriving at the last minute. Send me 'stay away from the pastries table' vibes!!
Sad news this morning... a student got hit by a jeep at the crosswalk between Dairy Queen and Tim Horton's in front of MM High School this morning :( The Global News crew was there so I guess we'll hear about it tonight.
For those of you who blogged about infertility, I really feel for you. No confessions needed here, you all know about my infertility woes hehe. Although for me it's different, because I KNOW why (I've been told many many times why.) And it's all my fault. I brought this on myself. Although when I started porking up at 5 years old I didn't realize how important an issue this would become. Yes, I was one of those women who desperately had to have a baby NOW. I was begging God. I was devastated every month when AF came. It passed. I'm still devastated and heartbroken because I can't conceive, but now I think I might be okay if we remain child-free. Maybe it's because AF only showed up for a few hours since May... or maybe it finally sunk in that yeah I am too fat and unhealthy for a child.
You know what I'm thinking ? Maybe I'm not losing weight because my body knows that I'm eating too delicious food to lose weight. Healthy food. But delicious food. Whole grains. Fruit. No carb deprivaiton. Just moderation. Maybe if I go back to eating unpalatable salads and boring very low carb meals I'll lose weight again. Sigh. What do you think blogging world ? Should I give disgusting low-carb another try since I know for a fact I lose weight doing that ? But then again I've never been able to keep it up for a long period of time because I love fruits and whole grains.
Last but not least, I'm absolutely tickled pink that I found high boots for fat calves. I need boot advice... there is not much selection... but they ship to Canada. Which pair is the cutest relatively safe to walk on ice for the next miserable half of the year pair of boots?