Hey I never agreed to this contest...

.. But since Tina already humiliated herself, the least I could do is post an embarrassing story of my own. Although there is NO WAY I can beat a poop story! Maybe I could make it an embarrassing combo. Supersized.

Part I :

One of the most humiliating things that has ever happened to me has to be in Old Quebec, about 12 years ago. I was there as part of a big student trip, celebrating our last year in that school. Have you ever visited Old Quebec ? It's a really cool place to visit in Quebec, Quebec. For those of you that have never visited, let me describe how I remember it. Basically there are artists everywhere; singers, violonists, guitarists, caricaturists, people pretending to be floured statues..etc.

Then there's this area where you climb up 300 stairs to get to the steepest little shop filled street. With pain and misery, I made it up the stairs. We were all hanging out in smaller groups, visiting shops and of course my group of girl friends were compassionate enough to take little breaks to allow me to regain composure and breath. We were visiting shops about 3/4 of the way up the hill...

As most of you know, I'm in great shape. Spheric shape to be exact. A steep hill... a perfect sphere.. do you know where I'm going with this ? Out of the blue I trip and fall over a sidewalk crack. Now you might think that's not so embarrassing, but the story doesn't end here my friend. It's just the beginning. You would think I would have rolled down a few shops and gotten up beet red faced. But no. I had 2 great forces working against me : Gravity and Inertia. Both these laws of physics are affected by the oject in motion's (me) weight or mass, none of which were not then and are not now in my favor.

So after I tripped on the sidewalk crack and fell down, I immediately started to roll down the hill like a log. Witnesses tell me that after 4-5 rotations, I got back up, fell back down and started to roll down again. I have absolutely no recollection of this. Rollin' rollin' rollin'... I was spinning and spinning and it was all going so fast and blurry. I was rolling down the steep sidewalk like a log, taking down people as I rolled down, like an incredible human bowling session. I wish Guiness would have been there. As I was rolling down, I would see terror stricken faces, looking down at me just before being knocked down or steamrolled by yours truly. 12 years later today I still have this really vivid image of an indian woman wearing one of those dots on her forehead, trying to prevent her being steamrolled. I need to specify that this steep hill was about a half mile long.

Amidst the blurriness of faces, cement and shops, I saw the stairs of death fast approaching. There was NO way in heck I was going UP those stairs again... not to mention the highly likeliness of a head concussion on my way down. I had to do something.. I had to think of a plan fast! Ah-HA! I decided to use my camera as a break mechanism. Don't worry it was a cheap camera, we didn't have digital cameras then :P A half melted cheap plastic camera later, I finally stopped rolling about 6 feet away from the top of the stairs. Then comes the red beet faced moment where I get up and run in the closest shop... which ended up being a sex shop... a whole other story for a different time.

And for the kill : Part II :

I could tell you about the time I was highly inebriated trying to walk along with a group of friends to a huge beach party and I somehow managed to fall in a mud hole as deep as my knees, losing a shoe in the process... having to dig it up in the mud up to my elbows. Basically I got to the party looking as though I had just performed a cow's rectal exam. I could also tell you about the time I was very much so under the influence and had to be carried up 3 flights of stairs to my appartment by 3 guys.. STRONG guys. In my defence I was in college. Notice the theme? Today I decided to tell the story of what happens when a drunk Nancy decides to go take a walk. I chose this story because it's pretty short, yet comical.

This story takes place at a party my friend Raymond had thrown, as he did every 2 weeks for a while. We're outside watching out for a vomitting friend, when I decide to go walk around Raymond's yard God knows why. I obviously didn't think this plan through as I began walking BACKWARDS; NOT by choice. I was walking further and further, backwards, faster and faster and I couldn't stop! LOL! By this time everyone was staring at me with confused faces for a while, then when I started yelling : HELP! I can't stop backing up! HELP! They all burst into laughter, some came running towards me, but before they could get to me I was saying : I can't take it anymore! I'm going to STOP! 1-2-3.... BAM! I fall straight down on my back. Whaaaat the fuck was that ? LOL

To this day whenever I run into people from up home, which is thank God not that often, they either say : Remember that time when you couldn't stop walking backwards ? Or remember that time you rolled down Old Quebec ?

Gravity is NOT my friend!