Am I the only one who's embarrassed to talk about self-esteem ? Does that mean I need more self-esteem ?
Anyway, I just saw this in my igoogle feeds : 10 Quick tips to improve self-esteem.
The ones I struggle the most with are # 4, 5 and 7.... For those of you who don't struggle with 4,5 and 7, do you have additional tips ? hehe. 4 and 5 are just sooo hard for me. And it all comes down to not wanting anyone to think I'm not a nice person/caring too much about what other people think.. but how when someone says that they don't care what others think of them, are they lying? How can they not care? If someone wouldnt care what others think, why would they pluck their eyebrows, shave their legs and get any body part waxed ? Okay these are all hair themed for some reason. That's what I hate doing the most that's why hehe.
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I don't have a particularly strong struggle with low self-esteem. Maybe I am just delusional but I am generally happy with myself. Always room for improvement but I think that's healthy, too. ;)
As for tips: I think 4&5 go together. Once you stop taking crap from people, it's much easier to let the negative people just go. No need for confrontation or angry "break-ups". You'll find that when you distance yourself from the crap, you'll likely also distance yourself from the "friend" (or family member) who's spewing it.
I don't know what to say about not caring what people think. I have grown in this area. I hated to go anywhere in public alone when I was in high school/early college. I was so worried that everyone was looking at me. Then I realized that *I* wasn't necessarily studying everyone around me so probably neither was anyone else. Now I just do my thing and try not to think about the fact that some other people might be looking at me.
As for accepting compliments, I got this great tip at a women's business seminar: when given a compliment, think to yourself, "I know" and say out loud "Thank you." When you precede the thank you with the mental "I know", it really acknowledges the compliment and makes it easier to accept, I think. Also, don't justify, explain or put off a sincere compliment. Think of the response you're looking for when you tell someone you like their blouse. If they "poo poo" it with "this old thing" or whatever, it leaves them with nothing more to say. Even a simple thank you is better than that.
Sorry this got so long!
i think there's a difference between positive criticism and passing someone under the microscope to find faults. to me, i guess it boild down to this, can i find truth to this comment? if yes, then maybe i can try to do something about it. but if it's unfounded and or just make you feel like the person is simply not able to like you the way you are, better off without that "friend"...
i guess that's where my "i don't care what others think" attitude come from. i was distancing myself of my mom because she always complained about someting i was not, or not doing or not doing right...made her realise she valued me more then that and made an effort to stop bringing me down.
i don't pluck my eyebrows, ware makeup, shave my leg or arm pits as often as i "should". i dress for comfort not for look(what ever look i got left haha) but if that's what it takes to make friend with someone, i don't think it's worth it. maybe i'm just lazy but i'd ratter put my efforts in feeling healthy and have friends who enjoy me, not what i look like hehe
not sure where it makes me stand on the scale of self esteem though. maybe it's a strenght, or maybe it's the bottom of the pit and it gives me the confidence that i can't go any lower.
hope it explains a bit the "i don't care what ppl think" attitude. not that i don't care about peoples. i love it when i can make someone smile and britten their day a bit more. trust, respect, honnesty and being able to feel confortable just being with someone is i think what's the most important... and laughing toghether :D
Funny, I struggle with 4, 5 and 7 as well...maybe that's why we're friends ;)
4&5 are the hardest for me, too, although I've gotten better. I don't think I ever had any negative friends in that sense (as in, people who would try to bash me and bring me down), but there are definitely negative people around and I just don't hang out with them, or try to limit interaction with them. #4 I still struggle with, occasionally. I usually can't put on the "I don't care" face when *in* the situation, but if I think about it later on, I realise just how un-important that person's judgment really is. I mean, it's not my professor telling me I screwed up at work/school, it's some idiot trying to put me down because they themselves want to feel better. The situation is not fun and makes me feel bad, but afterwards, if I think about it, I realise it's nothing to worry about.
As far as compliments go, I was going to give you the same suggestion as RoseAnn, just say "Thank you" and absolutely nothing else :-) It takes a bit of getting used to, but it works. I suppose you could reciprocate, too, if you wanted. "Nancy, you look good today" - "Thank you, so do you". But try to say just thank you for a while until you get used to it.
Good luck! And remember, like everything in life, it's baby steps. You won't step out of your door one morning with loads of self-esteem and being able to just tell people to shove it when they give you crap. But remind yourself of this every day, and it'll get better every day.
Well, everything that I wanted to say has already been said. :)
While I don't really have a problem with 4 & 5, at all, because I know who I am and how I deserve to be treated, I certainly DO care what people think of me.
It's important to me that my children think that I am a kind and loving mommy. It's important that my friends think that I am loving and loyal. It's important that the man I am with (not that I'm with one - but one day) think that I am just the best thing since sliced bread (which really, when you think about it - isn't all that exciting.) It's important that my employers think I am competent and proficient. It is important that my staff think I am concerned, fair and approachable.
But something I have realized. It's not important if every hair is in place (or removed from wherever society has deemed it's existence to be "wrong") or I'm dressed right or I'm listening to the right music or driving the right car or whatever - because most people are more concerned about their own hair, clothes, music, car . . . and don't really notice me anyway.
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