Is it totally weird that my spirituality seems to be connected to my menstrual cycle ? I'm not kidding! It seems to me like everytime I'm due for my period I find myself searching for answers, soul-searching, or sometimes I just feel like the spiritual information whacks me on the head out of nowhere.
I have so much to say about this, that I don't know how to relay it in a coherent manner. Well to give you an example of what I'm talking about.. I'm due for my period. In the cramping stages. (sorry TMI.) Last week I find Heather's "seeking refinement" blog that I forgot existed and hadn't read. Then Chantal and I had conversations about agnostics/religion which led me to peruse a certain discussion board that left me a lot more confused than I started off.
Then this weekend I watched again for the fourth time the quite controversial documentary/story "What the Bleep do we Know". (I can't stop noticing my overuse of the word 'quite' ever since the second episode of Gilmore Girls I watched.) I was blown away with questions the first time I saw it. It's about quantum physics/ life/reality being a bunch of quantum possibilities. Through the course of the film, the distinction between science and religion becomes increasingly blurred, since they realize that, in essence, both science and religion describe the same phenomena. The first time I watched it, I found myself doubting God's presence. Not God. His presence. (Not quite (quite!) sure how to explain...just our perception of what God is/isn't.) The fourth time I watched it, I started to realize that what I believe is that what Science is trying to prove/describe IS God. They just call it something different.
In the movie they discuss Mr. Masaru Emoto's water crystal experiments. Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed toward them. He found that water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. The first time I ever heard about this was via Chantal. I find that REALLY interresting. Especially considering how big a percentage of water each of us is composed with. There was also the gigantic group meditation experiment in DC (4000 people, apparently reduced the crime rate by 25% that summer in DC etc.).
All that led me to think... if thoughts and feelings affect physical reality. If by producing different focused intentions through written and spoken words and music and literally presenting it to the same water samples, the water appears to "change its expression". If group meditation can alter the outcome of our reality for the better. Is this why gathering with a group in a church to pray is a good thing ? Is this why even though "God is in my heart and I can talk to Him and pray wherever/whenever", I could benefit, we could all benefit if I joined the group praying ?
So full of questions. I don't even know if this entry made sense. I'm pretty sure I have synaesthesia. For example, I often see sounds, or smell colours, or smell memories. In this way, more often than not when I'm full of questions/confused, I see my thoughts all jumbled in this suspended black and white matrix that makes perfect sense to me and is completely coherent in my brain, until I try to word it. I didn't even know this 'symptom?' had a name. I discovered that once when we were talking about it on ivillage. And it's much more common than I thought. Isn't it weird how because of the internet we sometimes find out that we're not so weird after all ? Or... do all of us weirdos just get online and gravitate towards one another ? Hmmm...