Last Sunday and Monday nights I couldn't sleep for different reasons. (Going back to work after vacay, Guylaine losing all her stuff in the fire, etc.) I guess I did a lot of thinking in bed. One of the biggest things is that I've finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. First of all, I've decided to stop feeling ashamed of being an administrative assistant aka Secretary. I'm going to stop saying that I'm 'just' a secretary. Because I've finally admitted to myself that I love doing it. Maybe not the job I have right now, solely because of the lack of work and wishing I was busier and felt more productive. But I love working for my provincial government and I love my department.
Yeah there are some funny people at work, but there are funny people everywhere. Plus sometimes I think the more I complain about some people at work's odd behaviors, the more I secretly love making people laugh with those stories lol. Does that make sense? I love an office environment, I love business, I love anticipating other's needs, and honnestly my job really fits my personality. Think about the stereotypical secretary: very friendly, in a good mood most of the time, shy, great at analyzing behaviors, etc. That's me.
While I was lying in bed wide awake and thinking about all this, suddenly I remembered something. Back in college when I was taking my multimedia design & project management course, I was secretly wishing I had the guts to transfer to the administrative assistants course. I'm not shitting you. I remember thinking how I'd get to work in an office, work on computers, and then leave it all at the office at 5pm until the next morning. I mean, I loved multimedia design. I'm a very creative and artsy person, but I'm so sensitive that I always take it personally when someone doesn't love my work. And from the 3 web design jobs I've had since starting that course, the client often want really crappy looking things and you end up having to attach your name to something you don't even like. (As long as the client is happy right?). So yeah, I secretly wanted to be a secretary, but I wouldn't even have considered it because of the fear of what others would think of me for being 'just' a secretary.
I know I still have a lot of weight to lose, but already at -62lbs the difference in my self-esteem is amazing. I really think that now I could start being okay with my title. I mean, this isn't my DREAM job, but it'll do for now. I can still work on my dreams while paying my bills hehe. But here's something that's going to sound completely ludicrous : Since I was young, I've always wanted to help people learn about nutrition!! hah! I'm finally starting to believe that I might possibly one day look the part and look like somoene who applies their knowledge to their nutritional habits. I mean, even if I can help one person through my Reality Blog that would be something.
I feel like I haven't rambled long enough for it to make as much sense for you as it does for me.. but I'm sure you've got better things to do right now than listen to me rambling hehe. So here's my plan: I want to take preferably an online secretary course, or if that's not possible evening classes. I want to finally be qualified on paper for this job so that the day that they don't renew my contract I could get another administrative assistant's job anywhere else. Right now no matter where I apply there will always be someone qualified or this job while I only have experience and no certificate. I've looked a little and CCNB Dieppe offers an online course and it's really not that expensive. THEN if I ever reach my goal weight maybe I can look into ways to share my experience and knowledge with others who need to lose weight. But for now, I'm just going to focus on my self-esteem and stop thinking that a more prestigious job would make me appear like a better person.